Have you ever been in the middle of a blog post when suddenly your mood changes?
You go from serene and peaceful to bitchy and irritable.
No?
Just me?
Go figure.
Once again I am off my meds.
No insurance = No medication.
For the most part, I am managing.
But some days are harder than others.
Today is one of those days.
I am pretty sure it is due to my lack of sleep last night.
You see, my favorite part of the day is bedtime.
[--You forget how bad life sucks when you are asleep.--]
But last night, Amber climbed into bed with me.
[--It is getting to be a ritual with her.--]
And then she took over the whole bed.
I woke up grumpy at about 6:30am and proceeded to go sleep in Amber’s bed.
She followed me.
And then she took over the whole bed.
Then the phone rang.
There was no way in hell I was getting up to answer it.
[--Not my house. Not my problem.--]
But both girls hopped out of bed and ran down the hall screaming.
“The phone is ringing! The phone is ringing!”
[--No shit. I can hear the damn thing.--]
And that is how my morning started.
I got the girls their breakfast and ate mine.
Then Grandma brought up Alyssa’s homework.
I then jumped across the kitchen table and ripped Grandma’s head off.
[--At least in my mind I did.--]
But I mean really?
I hadn’t even had my coffee yet.
We still have 4 days until Alyssa goes back to school.
The homework will get done.
I promise.
Even if it isn’t done according to Grandma’s schedule.
So, feeling obligated, as soon as breakfast was done, we opened up Alyssa’s homework folder.
The teacher sent her home with a B Level Reader for Spring Break.
She has been on A Level.
She couldn’t even read the first word in the title.
As soon as grandma left for work, we closed the folder.
I didn’t have the patience for that shit.
Around 10am I went and dragged Chris’s bum ass out of bed.
He has a drug test for his part time job today.
And he has an interview for another job.
And tonight he is leaving to go up to Ramona until Friday.
For a temporary job with his uncle.
And internally, I am freaking out.
Because I NEED HIM.
He is my strength and my sanity.
I bitch and moan and groan to him and he LISTENS.
He tells me to fucking pull myself together because shit will get better.
I NEED THAT.
And with him gone, I won’t have that.
I will have to completely rely on myself to keep my shit together.
Don’t freak out on Grandma.
Don’t freak out on Grandma.
Don’t freak out on Grandma.
[-- I love & appreciate the woman, but she drives me fucking insane sometimes.--]
I understand that he is going so that he can make money to get us closer to getting out on our own again.
But still, I am going to fucking miss him.
How did I ever survive a deployment?
Anyways…
So that’s how this morning has been.
I am so damn lucky that I found someone who would marry my psychotic ass.
That’s all I have for now.
I have a sink full of dishes waiting for me and they need to be done before Grandma gets home.
