We have been living with Grandma for a little over 2 months now.

Grandma likes to nag.

It is a well known fact within the family.

When I first met her, I couldn’t stand her & her nagging.

But I have grown and matured since then.

For the most part, I can let whatever she says roll off of my back.

She goes through these phases where she is cool and we get along really well.

Then she gets all naggy and bitchy and I have to bite my tongue a lot.

Well me and Grandma have been getting along really well lately.

So I knew that the naggy and bitchy phase must be fast approaching.

I prepared myself for it.

It started last night.

At first it was the usual stuff.

“Have you made this appointment?”

“No, Grandma, not yet.”

“Have you made that appointment?”

“No, Grandma, not yet.”

“Well then you need to get on it.”

“Yes, Grandma, I will.”

Then she starts nagging me about cleaning up more.

Which I accept.

[--I know that I am not the world's best house keeper. Not by ANY means.--]

All of this happens around dinner time last night.

In addition to asking me about appointments and telling me to clean more, she complains about what I have made for dinner.

Apparently I did not make enough food.

But I made exactly what she had told me to the day prior.

This too, I let go.

I let her know that I am not feeling well and will not being eating dinner.

After Grandma finishes her dinner ( Baked Chicken Breast, Salad and Corn) she immediately gets up and fixes herself bread and butter as if she is ravenous.

(There was still three pieces of chicken, plenty of salad and plenty of corn. And I had already informed her that I was not eating.)

After she eats that, she places her dirty dishes in the sink and grabs a bowl of popcorn before storming off to the living room.

I observe that, even though I cooked dinner, I will be doing the dishes myself tonight.

And I am okay with that.

I say nothing.

The kids finish their dinner and I send them off.

I sit and wait for Chris to come back from helping a friend do something.

The phone rings.

Grandma starts griping to the person on the other end about how no one around here tells her anything & how she has to ask all of these questions to find out anything.

This irritates me, as a lot of the things she inquires about are actually NONE of her business.

But I let it go.

I say nothing.

Chris comes home and I meet him outside.

His friend is with him & we spend approx. 30 min. just talking/venting frustrations.

Then his friend leaves & Chris & I head inside to clean up the kitchen.

After the kitchen is clean, Chris & I decide that it is time for bed.

Chris sneaks off to the room where we sleep, but I make sure to tell Grandma “Good Night”.

[--As I do every night.--]

She repeats everything she nagged me about at dinner time.

I nod my head in agreement.

She tells me to clean the room where we sleep.

I nod my head in agreement.

Then she adds, for good measure, that we don’t want to attract bugs and illness.

[-- In my mind, I roll my eyes because she is being over-dramatic.

Sure the room we sleep in is messy, but it is not dirty.--]

I nod in agreement, once again and head off to bed.

Then this morning rolls around.

The kids are awake before I am, as usual.

I walk into the kitchen to see that Grandma has made herself and the kids breakfast.

Instead of taking my usual place at the table with them, I sit in the living room with Chris.

Grandma sets the plates down in front of the kids.

[--Bacon, Eggs, Toast.--]

Alyssa immediately starts complaining about what Grandma has made.

This irritates me so I tell her to Shut It!

Grandma raises her voice.

“ENOUGH!” she says.

I can’t tell if she is talking to me or to Alyssa, though I assume she is talking to Alyssa.

A few minutes later Alyssa is talking again and Grandma tells her to eat her breakfast.

Alyssa blatantly ignores her and continues to talk.

At which point I intercede and once again tell her to Shut It!

Now Grandma spins around in her chair and starts yelling at me!!!

[--I can't remember exactly what she said now... unfortunate side effect when I lose my temper.--]

All I remember is she is yelling at me for always telling my kids to shut up and eat.

[--The irony here, is that she often does the SAME DAMN THING!--]

She says something that implies that I don’t pay enough attention to my children.

And… I… Lose… My… Shit…

I don’t remember getting off the couch and taking the 10-20 steps to cross from the living room to the kitchen.

All I remember is being in her face and yelling.

I can handle a lot of nagging.

Especially when it comes to shit I know I am bad with.

Like procrastination.

Or cleaning.

But sweet Mary mother of god, do NOT criticize me as a mother.

[--You might not want to flame on my husband either, because I will eat your face.--]

I have had little to no help in raising my children.

When other bitches had baby showers, I had hand me downs from kind strangers.

When other bitches had their mommy hold their hand while they were in labor, I had a mother that refused to visit me because she didn’t approve of me getting married.

When other bitches had family helping them through the first difficult weeks with their newborns, I had family that either hated the man I married (my side) or worked themselves to death (Chris’s side.)

When other bitches had baby sitters and weekends away from their children, I had my kids 24/7, for the same reasons as stated above.

I know I am not the world’s greatest mother.

I will be the first to admit that I am short on patience.

[--Just watch me when it is time to do Alyssa's homework.--]

But god damn it, I try.

I try harder than I have ever tried at anything.

And considering I came from an alcoholic mother who pretty much told me that I was an accident,

I think I am doing a pretty damn good job.

Considering that I was pretty much raised by my Nana and I only have memories of a drunk, raging mother,

I think I am doing a pretty damn good job.

Considering that I was cut off from my loving & stable grandparents at the age of 12 to be completely raised by a manipulative, conniving mother,

I think I am doing a pretty damn good job.

Considering that I have lived a life that has left me damaged mentally,

I think I am doing a pretty damn good job.

So… don’t fucking judge me and tell me that I am not a good mother.

I do my best… and really what more than that can I do?

[--Anyways... back to this morning...--]

So there I am in Grandma’s face, freaking out.

And she tells me to “Get a job and move out.”

[--OUCH! Low fucking blow. Like, I don't already feel like shit for not working.--]

At this point, Chris loses his shit.

Suddenly, he is right there beside me, flipping out at Grandma, too.

[--If you knew my husband, you would know how unlikely it is for him to flip out.--]

He tells her that my job is to raise the children.

She makes more comments implying that I am not doing a good enough job.

And after that I really don’t remember much aside from screaming and shaking.

The whole thing was pretty explosive and remains unresolved.

I can not bear the fact that I have to stay in the same house as this woman.

This woman who thinks I am a bad mother.

This woman who thinks I am useless because I am not working.

But… I have nowhere else to go.

Today, for the first time since leaving, I wished I was back in Louisiana.