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During my stay in the deep dark pit which is depression, I always thought that I couldn’t be that bad off because I was still able to function. I was able to get out of bed everyday and make sure my children were fed and decently clean. And that was pretty much it. If I made the kids 3 nutritious meals and a healthy snack (sans meltdown from myself or either child) I considered the day a success. But I really wasn’t doing much else. I never really had the energy to clean the house and only did so when it got to an almost unlivable point. I rarely took the kids outside, which is horrible I know. But outside of making sure that my daughters’ most basic needs were met, I wasn’t doing much else with my time. I wasn’t functioning. I was just surviving.
Well I have been on Prozac and Abilify for about 2 weeks and I can tell that they are starting to take effect by the amount of stuff I am accomplishing, in addition to the fact that I am most definitely more perky and happy. And now that I am seeing just how much I was capable of to begin with, I am really loathing that period of time when all I could do was survive. I feel like there is such much more I should have accomplished by now if it hasn’t been for those years of darkness. I know there is really no point in dwelling on the past and I also know that all that matters is that I am happy now, but I can’t help but to notice the differences between then and now. Now I am functioning. Now I am living. And it is a great feeling!
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